11.10.2004

Chatty Cathy

I have been feeling very talkative lately...well, mostly just wanting to write on my blog. This morning started off well and has taken a nose dive spiral into bad. Kya cried herserlf to sleep just now. It is so hard for me to listen to and bear the thought of her hurt or upset. I know it's all about testing bounsaries and she is seeing if we will come pick her up, etc. but it soesn't make it any less difficult to deal with. I so thought that i would be one of those moms who could just tune out the crying ( I admire you all), but I can't, I just can't. But I know I still have to deal with it in the best way for Kya...whether that means picking her up or leeting her cry it out (CIO as wendy says). But, at least she did finally go to sleep.

I went to the grocery store and bought groceries (what else?) and saved a bit of money, somewhere around %40. Not bad. I also recieved a free starbucks beverage of my choice! woo-hoo! And you know what else? I enjoy bringing Kya along, because then I can say "yes. I need help out to my car" and by the time I get Kya buckled in her seat, the young guy is done packing the bags into the car!

what I have to say next, is a might scary. I have been having increasing violent and scary dreams since I have been prego with "peanut". I had two distinct ones last night, or rather early this morning. The first, and I won't go in to detail, I dreamt that I was being raped by a man that apparently I knew in my dream, but looking back his face is not familiar. The second, I dreamt that just hours later and down the road from my previous dream, Trevor and I were living in this beach house and we had to "batten down the hatches" for this hurricane. I was so terrified. Trevor was downstairs the whole time, taking care of things, while I was upstairs. And there was this woman with me. She kept telling me things, bad things about Trevor and about me, and I didn't trust her at all. I couldn't figure out why she was there! And I never did get to see Trevor (but I could hear him). I was really focus on the details of each door and wondow and how to close it and draw the blinds (basically, how to protect myself). Here is an interesting thought as well, where was Kya? She wasn't in either dream. What does it all mean? I don't know. I don't know. And the last weird thing is that I remember going to bed having a really uneasy feeling...

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