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7.30.2009

When Grief Interupts

The Angel of Grief as captured by designwallah

Today I learned some very sad news. Friends from our bible study lost their precious unborn baby daughter to Trisomy 13, a rare heart condition just a few days ago. My heart is heavy as I contemplate how to share the burden of grief with this family. I have been praying steadily since learning several weeks ago of the baby's condition. I have pleaded with the Lord for a miracle, while also accepting His will for this little life that would be inevitably born into heaven. Now, I am struggling with how to love them and yet also respect their privacy. I have never lost a child, but I have experienced loss. It is unlike any other feeling I know. It tears at the heart.

When little baby "n" was first diagnosed with Trisomy 13, another friend of mine thought up an incredible idea to encourage, comfort, and minister to the struggling family- Make a compilation CD of music. She asked friends and family to give her the name of a song that they wanted to pass along to the family as well as the "why" for choosing that particular song. She downloaded the songs to a CD via iTunes and presented the family with the CD. Sometimes, I think when words aren't enough to calm a heart, music has a way of speaking to us, especially when that music points us to God.

I contributed this song to the CD:

Good To Me (I Cry Out) by Craig Mousseau




Other songs, not included:
Do you have any songs that have spoken you when you have experienced a loss? Leave a comment below, I would really love to hear your thoughts.

24 comments:

  1. I will pray for this family. Being pregnant myself right now it is so hard and honestly scary to hear these things. I cannot imagine the feelings of your friends' at this time and I truly feel for them and pray that they will be comforted and receive peace through prayer and faith--and you too.

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  2. I can't imagine how to deal with the loss of a child. We also had friends loose their baby to Trisomy 13. They were able to spend a few hours with their little angel before he went back to heaven. They have found comfort in knowing that they will all be together again someday! I will remember your friends in my prayers & I hope that you find the way to comfort them.

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  3. I tend to go back to older hymns. We suffered a loss in our community and the songs that have been coming to me over and over again are:

    Selah's version of His Eye Is On The Sparrow

    Breath by Michael W Smith

    Yesterday, Today and Forever by Vicky Beeching

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  4. I lost my mom in March. Two songs were wonderful. One I can listen & sing to - one makes me cry still.
    The first is by Chris Tomlin - I Will Rise. The second is by Matthew West & I just heard it for the first time a couple weeks ago - it's called Save a Place for Me.

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  5. pam f6:53 AM

    About 5 years ago we had some friends loose their baby daughter to Tri-13 as well. She lived to be 31 days old...much longer than they anticipated. My husband did her funeral service in which they included a video montage of her little life. The song that was played was The Valley Song by Jars of Clay. What a beautiful song this was. Hope this can be a comfort to them as well during this difficult time. Praying...

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  6. I have never experienced the loss of a child, but I wanted to share with you a blog of a couple that just lost their 2nd child to a trisomy defect. Perhaps your friend could find comfort in walking the road with someone else.
    http://kinseygracethompson.blogspot.com/

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  7. I always think of Amazing Grace when I think of my grandfather. He just loved that song! I am sorry for your friends loss, so sad.

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  8. Wow. I'm soo sorry to hear of this families loss. I had never heard of any of the Trisomy conditions until about a week ago when a fellow mom from our playgroup let us all know that after going through many tests, having an amnio done and talking with specialists her little joy has been diagnosed with Trisomy 18 (aka Edwards syndrome) She is only 24 weeks along.. and has started to prepare for the fact that she may only get spend time with her daughter for a couple days if not only a few hours. I'm not religious in anyway but I found myself saying soo many little prayers for her in the last week. I don't know how a person can have the strength when it happens without warning let alone have the strength to keep it together when there is such a gloomy outlook for a family.

    My heart goes out to my friend's family as well as your friend's family. I wish I had the right words to express how I feel or the right words to comfort their wounds.

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  9. Hey Michelle, I lost a baby (at 28 weeks) and it's still very hard for me at times. Music does help to get you through those hard times, the song for me was Praise you in this storm by Casting Crowns. The thing that helped me the most, was those people who were there for me in the long run. Tons of people are at your side when it first happens, but they forget about it weeks, months, and years later. I have one friend who still calls me on Faith's birthday just to see how I'm doing and to tell me that she's here for me and loves me, it's nice to have someone remember. This friend has truly blessed me and touched my heart.

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  10. The fact that you would post on your blog about your grief shows how much you care for this family. Losing a child is one of the most horrendous things to ever happen to a person. We can't possibly understand how God will use this situation for good, though we know He will because He says He will. Let your friends know you want to help. Bring them a meal or two. Just be there for them to talk and cry. Also, you may consider going to www.heavenlyangelsinneed.org and joining to help others in need. This group is fantastic! In addition to all they do for grieving people, they have 2 message boards for people to talk with one another. www.haincraftforum.com is for the people who work as volunteers for this organization to talk about what they are doing and encourage one another. www.haincomfortforum.com is for people who have experienced the loss of a child. On this forum, we share our feelings about our lost children and share memories and even encourage one another when our child's angelversary comes around. There aren't words to express how much these people helped me to get through the suppressed grief I had over my 3 angels.

    Thank you for the love and comfort you share here on the web! Dawn

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  11. I am so sorry to hear of your friend's loss. How terribly sad.

    I tend to listen to Angel, by Sarah McLachlan at moments like this. Her voice is so pure and beautiful, and the words just seem to carry so much in them.

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  12. I've never lost a child, but I've walked closely through it with some friends. The music is great. I think the due date...and next year, the anniversary of the loss and what would have been baby "n's" first birthday are the days that will be super tough. Remember those with a card, a prayer, some encouragement. I knit a blanket for a friend...and it's a comfort for her, something she can hold onto when she needs to cry. I think that you're even grieving with them shows your love.

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  13. I lost my daughter on Oct 1st at 17 weeks because of Turner Syndrom. I 100% agree with branflakes... it is being there in the long run- everyone forgets but a mother never does. I think it is wonderful that your friends are putting together the Cd!

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  14. I know the pain. We miscarried before having our precious Eli. A friend came over the next day and dropped off a CD and just hugged me thru the song. Watermark-Glory baby... Please listen to it and pass it along. I have it on my playlist: http://www.playlist.com/user/40973739 song number 4

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  15. I have also lost a child and sometimes (even 6 years later) the grief can be overwhelming. One song that has helped me is Held by Natalie Grant. One of the sweetest things that people did for us when we lost our baby was to do something in her memory. We had one family that worked for the Samaritans donate Bibles in memory of the baby and another family donated to World Vision in memory of the baby and someone else donated children's books to our church library. We got cards from each non-profit telling us about the donation. It made us feel better that something was being done to honor the life we lost.
    One of the worst things was when people would say that they knew how we felt or that the baby was in a better place. No one (even if they have lost a child) knows how you feel and yes, the baby is in a better place, but I'd still rather have the baby with me.

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  16. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts with me. I am so grateful all of your words of encouragement.

    I am going to pass this post along to my friend.

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  17. What a beautiful gift, so loving and thoughtful. You will all be in my prayers and thoughts.

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  18. Anonymous8:23 PM

    Nicole Nordeman's music really speaks to my heart. "Small Enough" is one of her songs that reminds me that our Great God, the Creator of the Universe, is pleased for me to cry out "Abba," I need You!

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  19. We lost a little girl; she was a trisomy 16 baby. There's a Jessee Duplantis sermon where God takes him to heaven in the spirit--It brought me such peace because my little girl is in heaven,healthy and whole,being raised by Jesus. I've not lost her; she's where I work to get everyday.

    Prayer for peaceful and restful sleep is one thing. A gift idea would be an ice cream basket from Baskin Robbins. Comfort food at its best--not just the dinner so you don't have to cook gift (which is lovely), but here's a gift for when you just want to sit on the couch by yourself and submerge yourself into a total comfort moment.

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  20. Hymn by Jars of Clay helped put words to my grief in some difficult times. It seems the longer I live the more I walk with friends and family through unbearable grief. I've come to the conclusion that prayer, though it sounds trite, is the most powerful thing we can do for each other.

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  21. www.livingwithtrisomy13.org My Son David Michael is there on the treasured memories album. The support I received saved me, I am sorry for your friends lose there are families that are going threw the same thing, the feeling of being alone is hard. My son was stillborn
    October 27th 2006. However my husband and I treasured the time we were able to hold one of gods angels. I hope she can find comfort there.

    Cheri

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  22. I wanted to let you know trisomy13 is much more then a heart condition.
    please tell her to go to www.livingwithtrisomy13.org. My T 13 son is on there in the treasured memories. The support she will find there is wonderful and everyone has been there, with our wonderful Trisomy children.

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  23. That's a beautiful idea!

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  24. I've been thinking of your friends since I read this post last week. My heartfelt prayers and love have been with them since. Sorry I can't think of a song to add.

    I volunteer for an organization that helps grieving parents through photography--- I hope they are able to find all the support they need. I know your love and support is touching them deeply...

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